This isn't a trick question.
Certainly you know the answer--the person who has been responsible for the life you live right now: YOU.
Everything about you is a result of your doing or not doing... Your income. Debt. Relationships. Health. Fitness level. Attitudes and behaviors.
I think everyone knows this in their hearts, but often times people convince themselves into thinking that external factors are the source of their failure, disappointment, and unhappiness.
External factors do not determine how you live. YOU are in complete control of the quality of your life.
When I hear people complain about the state of their life (be it their problems with personal finances, weight, their jobs, or general dissatisfaction) I like to help them see things differently.
If they feel "stuck" and unable to move forward for whatever reason, I ask them to scrutinize both what is working well and what isn't working well in their life and see how they've arrived at where they currently are.
For example, if a woman tells me she's unhappy with her weight--she travels frequently, and has no to time to exercise or seek healthy foods--I point out that her weight is not a result of her travels and schedule. It's an outcome of what she chooses to eat and how she chooses to move, regardless of her daily agenda. Why not make a conscious effort to pre-plan healthy meals and snacks, even if it's on the go, and sneak in 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there to be physically active (hey, I know some frequent flyers who make it a habit of running through airports!).
If you're frustrated with any area in your life, then it's time to take a little inventory. Certainly there are wonderful things happening, whether it's your job, your romantic relationship, your children, your friends, or your income level. Your accomplishments are just as important as your missteps.
First, congratulate yourself on your successes; and then take a look at what isn't working out so well. What are you doing or not doing to create those experiences?
Watch out! If you find yourself beginning to complain about everything but the choices you've made, then you need to take a step back. See if you can stop blaming outside factors for your unhappiness.
When you realize that you--and only you--create your experiences, you'll realize that you can un-create them and forge new experiences whenever you want.
How empowering is that!
You must take responsibility for your happiness and your unhappiness, your successes and your failures, your good times and your bad times.
All too often we choose to claim the successes and blame the failures on others or other circumstances. When you stop blaming, however, you can take that energy and redirect it to focus on shaping a better situation for yourself. Blaming only ties up your energy. Imagine roping all the energy into a positive effort.
Some ideas to make this happen:
Believe, Believe, Believe! Have unwavering faith in yourself, for good and bad. Make the decision to accept the fact that you create all your experiences. You will experience successes thanks to you, and you will experience pain, struggle, and strife thanks to you. Sounds a little strange, but accepting this level of responsibility is uniquely empowering. It means you can do, change, and be anything. Stumbling blocks become just that--little hills to hop over.
Take no less than 100% responsibility . Successful people take full responsibility for the thoughts they think, the images they visualize, and the actions they take. They don't waste their time and energy blaming and complaining. They evaluate their experiences and decide if they need to change them or not. They face the uncomfortable and take risks in order to create the life they want to live.
Stop complaining . Look at what you are complaining about. I'm fat. I'm tired. I can't get out of debt. I won't ever get a better job. I can't stand the relationship I have with my sister. I'll never find a soul mate in life. Really examine your complaints. More than likely you can do something about them. They are not about other people, other things, or other events. They are about YOU.
Make an immediate change. Are you unhappy about something that is happening right now? Make requests that will make it more desirable to you, or take the steps to change it yourself. Making a change might be uncomfortable for you. It might mean you have to put in more time, money, and effort. It might mean that someone gets upset about it, or makes you feel bad about your decision. It might be difficult to change or leave a situation, but staying put is your choice so why continue to complain?
You can either do something about it or not. It is your choice and you have responsibility for your choices.
Pay attention. Looking to others for help and guidance is helpful, but don't forget to stay tuned in to yourself--your behavior, attitude, and life experiences. Identify what's working and what isn't. If you need to, write it all down. Then...
Face the truth and take action for the long term . You have to be willing to change your behavior if you want a different outcome. You have to be willing to take the risks necessary to get what you want. If you've already taken an initial step in the right direction, now's the time to plan additional steps to keep moving you forward, faster.
Isn't it a great relief to know that you can make your life what you want it to be? Isn't it wonderful that your successes do not depend on someone else?
So if you need just one thing to do different today than you did yesterday, make it this:
Commit to taking 100% responsibility for every aspect of your life. Decide to make changes, one step at a time. Once you start the process you'll discover it's much easier to get what you want by taking control of your thoughts, your visualizations, and your actions!
© 2008 Jack Canfield
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